Ladies and gentlemen welcome to StreetSmarts, my name is Derek West, and I will will be your guide into the weird, wild, and wonderful happenings of the past week in high society.
Eventual NBA has been Kris Humphries his filed a new motion in his divorce proceedings from eventual Kanye West ex-girlfriend Kim Kardashian this week. In the motion Humphries claims that the expedition of the divorce is only being brought on due to Kardashian not wanting to deliver her child out of wed lock. Humphries furthermore is requesting an unspecified amount in damages claiming the child was conceived while he and Kardashian were still married, however asserting that he is "100% sure" he is not the child's father. Unless this kid pops out looking like a 3 foot tall cabbage patch kid, I think you'll be alright Kris. My guess is the kid pops out wearing those sunglasses that look like blinds, a leather kilt, and a herring bone chain it designed itself both inspired by and fashioned out of its own umbilical cord. Also, am I the only one who finds it terribly interesting that Kim Kardashians' mother and husband have the same first name? Also, isn't it funny that her divorce has gone on longer than her marriage lasted?
Chris Brown is maintaining his never ending place in the news, and our collective disgust. The gangster, I mean thug, I mean asshole, I mean singer is in hot water again for allegedly violating his parole by faking his community service. After a few sessions under supervision, Brown was left to the honor system, and his mother was responsible for updating his time and location records. In documents filed by the Richmond DA, it had been obvious that when Brown swore he was picking up trash, he was actually on a plane to Mexico. Chris Brown has kind of turned into that guy that you were good friends with in like 2nd grade, but then he turned into a shady piece of shit somewhere around high school. You occasionally say what's up to him, and maybe talk about the time you threw your ninja turtles off the roof together, then when he gets into his crown vic with the $270 system that rattles the metal on his car doors you think to yourself "man I'm glad I'm not friends with that shady piece of shit anymore." And you hope no one saw you talking to him to avoid being categorized as shady by association.
The son of the creator of "Barney & Friends" has been released on $1 million bail after being arrested for attempted murder 2 weeks ago. Patrick Leach was arrested in Malibu after allegedly shooting a man in the chest. It's still unclear what the motive was, but if I had to guess, I'd say Baby-Bop probably knows more than what she's letting on...seriously though is anyone really surprised? If your parent spends your entire life giving more attention to a 6 foot imaginary purple dinosaur than you, Id think your chances at becoming a well adjusted adult are slim to none. My money on the motive is money, drugs, or weird sex. Wouldn't it be awesomely Shakespearean though if the guy he shot turned out to be his drug dealing, porn business partner named Barney?
The former CEO of Ed Hardy has been slapped with a law suit alleging sexual harassment by an in home masseuse. Hubert Guez is being accused of trying to force a "happy ending" after he hired an in home masseuse. When the woman refused he allegedly tried to coerce the woman into a sexual relationship with his wife. The masseuse is suing for an unspecified amount in damages. In a dramatic twist I am also filing a class action lawsuit against Guez, for all the damage his douchebag company has done to my eyes, Italian culture, and fashion in general. 
In an update from last weeks report, Jason London is suing the LAPD asserting they used excessive force and comitted assault during his DUI arrest last week. As of this writing we are still trying to determine who the fuck Jason London is. As always follow me on Twitter @findingderekovo and check back weekly for updates on these and other stories.
