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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

"StreetSmarts" (News of the Wierd) with Derek West

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our brand new segment Street Smarts. My name is Derek West, and I'll be your guide into the weird, wild and wonderful events of the last week. Here's our top stories...

Rick ross security guardRick Ross has reportedly hired on 24 hour armed security after he was the apparent target of a drive by shooting in Ft. Lauderdale, Fl earlier this week. Police have confirmed over 20 shots were fired, none of which struck Ross, his female passenger, OR the Rolls Royce he was driving. As a shooter if you miss a whale driving a boat, I suggest you find a new career. I however assert to you, the court of public opinion, that the entire act was perpetrated, and orchestrated by Ross himself, as a PR stunt, and attempt to maintain his "gangster" image. I suppose we will wait for police to apprehend the shooter. Because that's how every rap shooting ends.




Lindsay Lohan CourtdateLindsay Lohan is back in the news...when did she leave? The full time waste of life and part time actress attempted to dodge yet another court date by saying she was sick. Nothing says "I take court seriously" like giving the same excuse I give my boss when it's a nice day and I want to blow off work to golf. I'm filing Lindsays most recent escapade in the same hashtag drawer I file anything else she does, #shitnoonecaresabout. 





Chris Brown has continued on his fighting tour of other celebrities. After famously beating up his on again off again girlfriend Rhianna a few years back, Brown had since moved on to fighting Drake in a club late last year. The target of his apparent never ending rage? R&B Phenom Frank Ocean. Brown reportedly attacked Ocean over a parking space at a recording studio. Brown stepped out the next day sporting a cast on his right hand. In Chris Brown's defense at least he is fighting other men now. Gay men, but men no doubt. If you ask me his hierarchy is backwards. He went: woman, rapper, other singer...? Seems legit. 





Unless you've been living underground for the past month, you're already at least aware of the bizarre Manti Te'o saga. This week Dr. Phil appeared on the today show to give some info on.his interview with Ronaiah Tuiasosopo the apparent mastermind behind the entire dead girlfriend hoax. Tuiasosopo reportedly tells.Dr. Phil that he thinks he himself is in fact gay. I'm not really going to touch this one...I will say that I was watching Ace Ventura a few days ago...and the plot seems strangely familiar...."Kekua IS Tuiasosopo....Tuiasosopo IS Kekua....Kekua is a man!" You know the rest. 




Jason London was arrested, and allegedly shit his pants while in the holding cell. The number one question in everyones mind? Who the fuck is Jason London? 







Follow me on Twitter @findingderekovo, and Check in weekly for updates to these and other stories. 

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