There are few things
in life that bring Shivam Amin (@SugarShiv) and Dante DiNardo (@DanteDiNardo)
to debate things in life: sports, fantasy sports, movies, women, and of course MTV
Real World/Road Rules the Challenge. Last night marked the return of the
Challenge with the shows latest installment, Rivals 2. The premise of the show
is simple, past cast members are paired with their fiercest rival from previous
shows in a game of various challenges and obstacles for a cash prize in the
end.
The following are REAL
emails shared between Shivam and Dante. DISCLAIMER: If you are offended by
occasional crude language I suggest you stop reading now. Also it must be noted
that nobody is racist or prejudice to any certain groups of people.
Strap yourselves in
and enjoy the ride.
Terms, abbreviations,
etc that may be used that the general public may not know can be found at the
bottom of the page. If you see something and don’t know what it means, go to
the bottom and get hip to the lingo.
Shiv
I have so many thoughts about last night's Rivals 2. I need to discuss this with someone,
are you game?
Dante
Of course I'm
game.
Shiv
Man where do I begin. TJ is back, aka the GOAT host of reality television. I
always get a smile on my face when Teej is shown, considering he survived
death. I mean the dude was put in a coma for like 30 days after he crashed
doing a stunt on a dirt bike and LIVED. In terms of obstacles in life TJ “killed it” and there is nothing else
that can be said.
I know you don’t watch the Real World anymore (the show that
provides as a feeder system to the Challenge along with Fresh Meat) and you may
not know all of the cast members, but I do, so I know everyone on the show. I
have no reasoning to watch the Real World anymore, but with DVR and On Demand,
it is hard to pass up on people acting like idiots. Plus I have been watching
the Real World since the first season, so it is basically in my blood.
The Challenge this season embarks on the country of Thailand
and the city (jungle, island?) of Phucket. I love the randomness of these
places, MTV never lets us down. The cast of characters this season made me
giddy when the trailer leaked a few months back. Anytime you can get CT onto a
show you know it is going to be a homerun. Ct is to the Challenge as Mike Tyson
is to boxing….. the Mike Tyson that would eat people’s ears. CT has #NRFHL, he might be the definition of #NRFHL. He is paired with Wes who
instantly makes them the best team in the game. The thing with CT though is
that he can be ranked 1, but you never know if he is going to kill somebody and
get booted off the show. MTV has become lenient on fighting as of late, so
unless CT eats someone (not out of the question) these two will be fine.
Guys Power Rankings with a brief thought on each:
- CT/Wes – Wes seems to have gotten off his steroid cycle, he is leaner (nh) and that might hurt him, but he has CT so it doesn’t matter.
- Johnny/Frank – The most diabolical team I have ever seen created. The fact these two dudes have never been on a show together is amazing. This is RIVALS god damn it. How are they together?!? Simple, TWITTER BEEF. I had to pause the show for a second because I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t control myself. Then I had to slow mo the tweet history of these two. Johnny is salty because Frank is claiming a movement called the Rookie Revolution. I don’t even have to say anything after that.
- Zach/Trey – Thor and the little guy. You will go far with Thor. Simple.
- Leroy/Ty – Too athletic and they will bang multiple females, each.
- Marlon/Jordan – Real World Portland. These two don’t really have beef, but MTV had to do something. Marlon played football at Texas Tech so you can expect them to go far. Marlon also had sex with a cheerleader at Texas Tech. The cheerleader was a dude though. He is not gay though. I still don’t understand the whole ordeal and I would rather move on.
- Derrick/Robb – I don’t care
- Knight/Preston – How can they win any physical challenge? Preston is so weak and feminine. Knight can only win by being a dick. Which is 100% guaranteed.
- Dunbar/Tyree – How does Tyree get booted in the first or second episode each season? He is built like a D Linemen and he knows karate. THE MOTHER FUCKER KNOWS KARATE!
 |
| Will CT and Wes be able to "bury the beef"? |
I don’t really give a shit about the girl’s teams because
with Emily, you know who is going to win. She is pretty, but she is a cyborg.
She is bigger than every girl and I think she might be better than half of the
guys. It isn’t a fair playing field with her involved, so I will give my
thoughts in no particular order on each girl instead:
- Emily – Cyborg
- Paula – She will follow the Paula Walnuts script to Challenges: get wasted (every episode), cry (every other episode), and bang someone (possibly more than one dude). She has NRFHOL.
- Jasmine – I have never seen such a ratchet weave in my life. She looks like an idiot with that Pocahontas hair lmao.
- Joanna – She will bang her way to the final challenge. No doubt in my mind. This is a lock of life.
- Diem – I can’t say anything bad about her. I am proud of her for fighting cancer for so long and beating it multiple times (it has came back again before the taping of this show). However, beating cancer once is not her biggest accomplishment in life. Taming CT and making him a softie is obviously the biggest.
- Anastasia – RW Portland. She sucked on the season, because she would cry and talk about her boyfriend the whole time. On the reunion of the show she revealed her boyfriend had an addiction problem, which wasn’t shown, so I give her a pass. Plus she lost weight and got a haircut and is looking FINE AF.
- Jessica – RW Portland. Sucked on the show. Seems like a nice girl, crazy annoying. Fits the mold of the annoying cheerleader who organized stupid shit in high school.
- Aneesa – OG. Good for a fight, winning an elimination challenge, and getting drunk.
- Camilla – Sexy. Accent. Insane. Good for TV.
- Sarah – I hate how she talks out the side of her mouth. It is so fucking annoying.
- Trishelle – Original SLORE of the Challenges. Stopped whoring, don’t know why. She lost the only thing that made her interesting.
I don’t give a shit about the others. Maybe eventually I
will.
What were your early thoughts?
Dante
Where does this love for TJ come from? He has no
personality to speak of, and never says more than, "alright, you
killed it," That is until someone doesn't
try or throws an event. TJ is the master of callouts, and will put
these schemers in their places. That is the only time I really
like him in his role as host.
Sadly like you Shivam, I am as addicted to the history of
this series as Anastasia's
ex-boyfriend is to booze/drugs. After a CT-less season in last fall's "The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons," the most
dominant force this show has ever seen returned, and did not disappoint.
Choking out dudes in the pool, performing throat slashing motions to
entire groups while peering through a window, and using his alpha male status
to hook up with a rookie, all while reigniting the flame with the love of his
life, Diem. Wow. I'm
anxiously awaiting any kind of showdown with Zach. With last fall's addition of THOR as you have dubbed him, CT is no
longer the biggest physical specimen on the show, and it will be interesting to
see if he can maintain alpha male status.
Speaking of THOR, you would think this meat-head would have
learned last year that he needs to let his teammate be the brains, and he can
just be the brawn. If they would have gone with Zach's plan, they would have lost, flat out. After
going with Trey's plan, they won the
first week's challenge, and proved
that if these two can get along, they have an outside chance of taking it this
year.
My one criticism of your power rankings is that I think
Marlon/Jordan can be bumped up as high as #2. Frank proved last season
that having sex with guys does not mean you can't
dominate The Challenge. Wake boarder/NCAA football player combo
gives them the athletic talent to win this, but more importantly Marlon
deserves love for going in like a new prisoner at the penitentiary, and
going right after CT in that pool brawl. We saw the "revolutionary"
waves rookies made last season, and this team could win this if they quickly
adapt to the slimy scheming ways needed to make it to the finals.
And nobody knows how to scheme better than Johnny
Bananas. Great to see this scum-bag back. I can't wait to see what Johnny and Frank cook up once
they bury their Twitter beef, and come together as a team. Frank came in
last season and had the greatest rookie season of all time using the classic
Johnny tactics of fake alliances and screw jobs.
With regards to the females, I agree with your assumption
that Emily will most likely dominate. It seems like the producers just
gave up and provided no physical matchup for the "Cyborg." I guess
the other diesel broads from past seasons like Laurel or Rachel have
moved on with their lives, unlike Paula. Paula is the all-time leader in
challenge appearances at 10, even though she is the opposite of athletic and
unlikable. Has this girl ever declared income from a real
job? I don't know if I
should consider her a no-talent loser, or be jealous of her. With that
said, I still believe the ladies deserve a power ranking.
Girls Power Rankings:
- Emily/Paula - As previously stated, Emily's combination of size, fitness, and athleticism make them the team to beat. Her crafty veteran partner could help with mind games, keeping them in alliances and out of the Jungle. Never underestimate Paula's ability to use her implants to seduce votes from young, unsuspecting males.
- Sarah/Trishelle - Two former finalists on a team can't be overlooked.
- Cooke/????? - If Cooke's original partner Naomi wasn't forced to go home to be by her dying father's bedside, this team would be ranked much lower. Naomi, the prissy Dominican girl from the Bronx would have brought nothing to the show but a continuation of her loveless hookups with Leroy. Now that Naomi is gone, the arrival of a quality substitute teammate could send this team quickly to #2. Cooke is the only girl big and athletic enough to compete with Emily. A D-1 soccer player and member of the Philippine national team, she could end up being the rival we are all looking for. Who will be the substitute? I thought I saw Wes's ex-wife Johanna in one of the previews. I hope I was right. A little more drama is always welcome.
- Aneesa/Diem - Two battle tested vets. Aneesa has always had the perfect combination of size and crazy.
- Camila/Jemmye - The loudmouthed foreigner may not have size, but has an amazing record in challenges. She's also got a history of being Johnny's stooge. This could help or hurt her depending on how well Banana's schemes are working.
- Jonna/Nani - Weak, but deserve respect for nearly winning week 1.
- Jasmine/Theresa - Theresa is an emotionless beast, but sadly for her, she is paired with a 90 lb. sociopath.
- Jessica/Anastasia - Can't really understand Anastasia being on this show. She is two feet taller than Jasmine, but weighs about the same amount. Like Preston, she is too feminine and too skinny to survive very long on the Island.
Shiv
Jesus Christ Dante I didn't
know you had FBI profiles on these people lol. Good shit. I need to focus on
how awesome CT was this episode. First off, if you were to sit and watch the
show with someone who has no clue about what is going on and doesn't know anybody on the show (like I did) you can
tell them to focus on CT and be in awe of his awesomeness. He started a fight
for no reason, fought two dudes at once and won (lmao), hooked up with his ex,
then he preyed on a rookie and probably boinked her if I was a betting man.
They even did a close up of him when he was about to jump off the ledge,
looking like a bull about to attack a matador. CT is the GOAT, you can't even game plan for him one on one you have to
attack him with like 6 teams. Truly a force of nature. Thor is scared of CT,
thoughts on that? Also is the CT/Leroy bromance the coolest bromance around?
Obama/Jay Z is close.
 |
| CT will eat you and then take your woman with NRFHL |
Dante
Dude I could not believe how much air CT got on that first
jump, considering how huge he is. He looked like Wolverine soaring through the
air with his claws out. Thor should be afraid. Still, you got to think if they
ever have to lock horns in an elimination, that fear will go away and we will
have a fight for the ages. Great move by Leroy linking up with the legend. Not
playing the political side of this game cost him in a past season. He knew he
would never be absorbed into a Frank/Johnny alliance, so he finally found a
team to ride with. This bromance is nice, but coolest around right now? I don't know? Everyone's
talking about Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper at Wimbledon.
Your thoughts on Tyree passing out while dropping a deuce? Something I have
somehow never seen, or done before. And what is going on with CT and Diem? I
thought they were getting back together, and then he's
off in the corner with Bird's
(Anastasia) long legs wrapped around him. I don't
think he crushed it though, do you? He has a history of flirting and making out
with these newbies for votes, but never letting it get serious
Shiv
In regards to Tyree passing out while taking a dump, I expect nothing less from him. What was lost in that whole debacle was someone going up to him and saying "this is what white people do when you pass out on the shitter" and proceeded to put his bare ass on Tyree's face and farted on him. Tyree's nose touched the butt crack that is known as a Koala Yummy from where I am from (picture a koala, now picture a human that had their nose up a butt crack). Kudos to whoever that was.
Tyree and Dunbar were in the elimination chamber vs Derek and Robb in a challenge where two people battle in the middle of a tunnel structure for position while the other two partners run by and try to ring the opponent's bell on the other side. Mind you Tyree and Dunbar are about a combined 500 pounds of pure muscle, while Derek and Robb are about a combined 300 pounds (if that). Any meathead (or human being with a brain) would know that all you have to do is run by the other team and either plow them over or pick them up and carry them with you. Somehow they lost the first out of three rounds. In the second Dunbar dives for the bell (he is clearly ahead btw) and misses. Derek rings the bell before Dunbar can get up and ring it in a second attempt. They go to the judges to confirm because it was so close and Tyree and Dunbar are sent packing. What happens next might be the greatest ending to an elimination chamber ever (give me your thoughts on this as well).
Tyree is left in disbelief on how Dunbar could have lost this challenge and is walking around saying "Dawg Dawg, Naw Dawg, how could we lose this, Dawg!" Meanwhile Dunbar is standing there with his arms folded and somehow blames Tyree for all of this and stares directly into the camera (I don’t know if this was a scheduled interview or if he just started talking) and says "we would have lost anyways because Tyree is good for nothing. So I don't give a fuck. I am going home because I would have gone home in the next challenge anyways. Tyree is a waste of fucking space." That right there is the greatest act of being a sore loser as I have ever seen in challenge history. I was in disbelief of what transpired.
 |
| Adios fellas, it was real, mad real |
Dunbar is a fucking idiot for not beating the living shit out of Derek in that run by. There was no excuse on Earth for losing that elimination and I guarantee if CT or Thor ever take part in that challenge that bodies will be hitting the floor. That challenge is basically intended to inflict punishment and cause a concussion. If we are only so lucky to see a CT vs Thor runway challenge I predict we will see a collision so big that the earth core will move, triggering an earthquake, which will then cause a massive tsunami to engulf Phucket, Thailand.
Dante
Koala Yummy! LOL
I was glad to see Dunbar go
in the disgraceful punk ass manner that he did. He has a long history of
acting like a piece of shit. We are talking about the guy who once
told his roommate/mistress Ashley that he hated her, and didn't care if she died. Dude is from another
planet.
Shiv
Haha I want to keep this talk up, but we can turn this into
a weekly discussion. I will see if we can get some others to join. Good talk
bruh.
Dante
Now that I know this is going on, I will be taking notes
(JK, or am I).
Glossary of Slang
(It will be updated weekly)
NRFHL – No Regard for Human Life
NRFHOL – No Regard for His/Her Own Life
GOAT – Greatest of all time
Killed It – This is TJ Lavin (the hosts) favorite saying. If
he says it, that means you either did really good in a competition (probably
winning it) or an elimination challenge (ditto)
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